a letter to myself ten years ago...from me today
Dear Erelin,
I never really thought it would end up like this. Maybe because you are so young and that maybe you don’t really understand things. Sometimes I think we grew up too quickly, learning a lot of responsibilities way to early. I mean what I say when you should enjoy your child hood. We knew it would get hard as time started to go by fast, but I guess not like this. We tried so hard to keep a smile on our face but, sometimes it never works. I just want to say, when you get older, it gets harder each and every day. You start to feel lonely at times, depressed at times, and all you do is just stare at a clock wishing that it would go faster.
I’m gonna try and give you some advice, but I know it would just linger for a little bit in your head and be gone until you reach now. Try and find yourself now, or you will end up like me. Don’t listen to your head, listen to your heart because our head and heart always love to fight with each other. Hmmm I think head is winning by a land slide…. So you better choose heart over head so our heart could win because then you’ll end up hitting your head for all the mistakes and your heart will be rubbing it in to the head. (Did that make sense? I hope so… we just love to confuse ourselves don’t we?)
Start worrying about things now because every single day you’ll be panicking non-stop, trust me. Start planning things sooner and get through to the people around you who are stubborn. Maybe if you start now, they might be able to put some light on some perspectives. Because right now they don’t seem to budge. Start early, so maybe when you reach here, you won’t think "why didn’t I do this sooner"
The most important thing that I wanna tell you is this: it’s alright to be sad, it’s alright to feel blue. If you want, let people in, but remember you are allowed to be sad at times. Don’t let people push you around, be yourself. And if people can’t stand who you are, then forget them. Once you reach here, you’ll realize who REALLY is there for you. We have our moments when we want to be alone, but there are reasons for those times. We are putting things in perspective, and I know it makes our head hurt, but we are doing this now so we won’t have any more of our head hurting.
Oh for a heads up: yes, we feel emo and depressed… A LOT. But just remember, it’s alright to feel emo because that’s what we turn into: emo. I hope you change things now, so you won’t hear a whole lot of "cheer up, emo kid." But it’s actually fun to be an emo, scene kid. Just fuck what people say if they make fun of you, you’re allowed to find yourself. We have changed from so much, and I wouldn’t change a thing about that part to find ourself. I less than three on the result of trying to find ourself. Just change your way of choosing things and start now.
I hope you follow this list… I know you will anyway…
When you are lonely…
-Listen: to Fall Out Boy
-Read: "The Perks of Being A Wall Flower" and "Catcher in the Rye"
-Watch: "Rent" because musicals make you happy and it makes you realize that some people are lonely too and "Release the Bats" to make you giggle hardXcore
-Past time by: writing your dreams and adding on to them
-Pick: who is really there for you and who isn’t so you can send them their respectful thank you’s and fuck you’s
-Let: The Hush Sound and Paramore sing you to sleep
-Remember: times when you were happy as can be
-Write: Your little heart out to fill that whole notebook of yours
-Sing: Your little emo heart out to "I’m Not Okay" by My Chemical Romance
-Be: yourself.
-Follow: That little cardiac organ that’s resting between those two big repiratory organs inside of you instead of listening to that big organ that’s resting in your skull.
I hope when you read this, and reach here when you’re 17, that you had listen to my advice, but I highly doubt you did. You’ll be expecting a letter from me in ten years to check on the changes that you didn’t make. Happy birthday.
<3 Erelin | 
